(Note: The following blog was written by a survivor who attended a meeting, the topic of which was on mental health and FGC. Her story highlights the power of storytelling and how it helps break the isolation that many survivors experience in having undergone FGC and dealing with their trauma afterwards, an isolation that Sahiyo is attempting to break via the storytelling work we engage in with communities.)

By Anonymous

Country: Egypt & United States

Even now, despite my brain trying to convince me it was a good idea to attend a conference on FGM and Mental Health, I cannot emotionally explain what really happened that day. The conference consisted of FGM survivors, human rights advocates, therapists, and policymakers, and almost two weeks after having attended, I started to have stronger flashbacks of the terrible experience I underwent with FGM in my home country, Egypt. I have mixed feelings of love, support, and pain for having attended that conference.

My journey dealing with that horrible experience started in my home country where my rights as a human being were violated without my consent. I was bleeding and almost died having been operated upon twice. Even now, I cannot easily write these words. You may wish to read my full story published here.

The experience of meeting with other survivors from India and other countries was something I strongly needed to help bring me face to face with the many answers to the many questions in my mind regarding why I experienced so much anxiety, sadness, depression, panic, and fear after my cutting. I wanted to know how other survivors had dealt with their FGM especially those who spoke up about it publicly, such as (Mariya Taher, Leyla Hussien, Jaha Dukureh , Naima Abdulhadi, and others) ; I am relatively new to openly talking about it and I still feel as if I am climbing a mountain when trying to share or speak about it. I heard these women saying how it was and is still difficult; and listening to them has helped me to feel that I am not alone in my experience. I saw how powerful the pain of this experience can be, but at the same time was inspired by the courage of what they and I were determined to do. To speak up about FGM openly and to try to prevent it from happening to other girls.

That meeting was the first time I met with and spoke to other survivors from different countries, such as the United Kingdom, Gambia, India, not to mention the United States. At the time, I felt happy that this meeting could serve as a comfort zone for me, knowing others understood what I had gone through. Seeing all those women in that room encouraged me to say amongst the group of almost forty members that I too am a FGM SURVIVOR. I knew these women would not shame me and I did not need to fear being labeled, judged, or threatened for publicly admitting I was a survivor. My heart was beating and my breath was short as if I had climbed a mountain. I thought I was ok during the 8-hour meeting, yet I collapsed and burst into tears at the end; I cannot precisely tell you why, but I thought about how it is unfair that our bodies and souls are violated with this harmful crime. Most of the time I feel sad that I had to go through these painful thoughts, feelings, or flashback of the operation room and after. It feels like I am being retraumatized when something happens to trigger the original trauma of FGM.  

I beg every mom and dad to see their daughters as beautiful souls who do not need to be cut to be pure. I am Muslim, and I can say it strongly, clearly, and angrily: Do not make it religious because it is not. My body was not supposed to be violated in this severe way nor was my soul. Yet, both happened. But I am comforted in knowing that there are others who I can talk to who understand my pain. FGM is a crime and more work needs to be done with healthcare professionals, as well as policy makers. Girls must be protected from being cut and survivors should be supported with the needed assistance to help them heal.

By Maryah Haidery

Growing up as a member of the Dawoodi Bohra Community in the United States is a challenging experience, especially for women. It’s like precariously walking across a tightrope while trying to balance two vastly different worlds. In one world, there are the positive benefits that come from belonging to a community rich with tradition and ritual, with a strong emphasis on family. In the other world, there are the progressive ideas that come from living in a country (United States) whose core values emphasize reason and individualism and women’s rights. Usually, those of us who grew up here in the U.S. can find a way to reconcile the two worlds, but certain Bohri practices like khatna or FGC can make that very difficult and force those of us who really care about the values in the U.S. world to call into question everything we knew or thought we knew about the first world, the Bohra world.

When I realized that I was cut as a child and that this practice was not common among other girls, not even most other Muslim girls, I felt very isolated and “different”. The isolation was made more acute because khatna was a subject that was never spoken about, not even among other girls who were my age. When my sister first told me about the existence of groups like Sahiyo and We Speak Out, I finally felt like I was not alone, and by telling my story of undergoing khatna, I could start the process of healing and perhaps give a voice to those of us who are not yet ready to share their stories.

It was in this spirit that I attended the first ever Sahiyo Activists Retreat this past January. I wanted to meet the brave women who had been the first to speak out openly against FGC and who allowed the rest of us to finally have a platform to do so. I also wanted to learn more about the medical, legal and religious aspects of the practice so that I could talk about it with both the media and members of the community in a way that was challenging the practice without necessarily denigrating the people who chose to practice it.

The retreat was so much more gratifying than anything I had expected. The retreat helped me to learn quite a lot about khatna, the power of storytelling and the challenges that FGC activists face. But more importantly, the retreat helped me learn quite a bit about myself and my need to feel validated and heard. The women I met at the retreat differed vastly in their ages and backgrounds. Some were from conservative jamaats [congregations] and some were from what I consider more liberal jamaats. Some were still pretty active in the community and others less so. Some felt ready to publicly share their stories, others were less comfortable. But they all had a story I could relate to in some way and they all shared a commitment to help end this practice for the next generation of Bohri girls.

For me, speaking out about a practice like FGC has sometimes been challenging. Sometimes it has felt like the media and certain political groups have used my story to further their political motives while additionally, people in the community I care about have attacked me for being a traitor. It’s a journey that has felt scary and demoralizing and frustrating as much as the journey has felt empowering and worthwhile. That’s why being a part of this January retreat and learning that I was not alone in this journey was such a priceless experience.

To learn more about the U.S. Bohra Activists Retreat, read the report!

(This article is Part 2 of a seven-part series on trauma related to FGC. To read the complete series, click here. These articles should NOT be used in lieu of seeking professional mental health and counseling services when needed.)

By Joanna Vergoth, LCSW, NCPsyA

Post-Traumatic Stress is the name given to a set of symptoms that persist following a traumatic incident and may be especially severe or long when the stressor has been of human design, such as in a violent personal/sexual assault (as in rape, torture, or Female Genital Cutting). These symptoms, which recreate the physical reliving of the trauma, can affect the way we think, feel and behave and, if experienced frequently, the condition that develops is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

PTSD is a complex psycho-biological condition that develops differently from person to person because everyone’s nervous system and tolerance for stress is a little different. While you’re most likely to develop symptoms in the hours or days following a traumatic event, it can sometimes take weeks, months, or even years before they appear.

The specific symptoms of PTSD can vary widely between individuals, but generally fall into the categories described below

.

Re-experiencing

Re-experiencing is the most typical symptom of PTSD and occurs when a person involuntarily and vividly re-lives the traumatic event in the form of a flashback.

Flashbacks appear as memories or fragments of memories from recent or past events and can leave you feeling fearful, confused and distressed. Jarring and disruptive, they can last a few brief seconds or involve extensive memory recall.

Below are the categories and some examples of flashbacks:

• Visual Memories: various related images

• Auditory Memories: sounds of breathing, doors shutting, footsteps.

• Emotional Memories: feelings of distress, hopelessness, rage, terror or a complete lack of feelings (numbness).

• Body Memories: physical sensations like genital pain, nausea, gagging sensation, difficulty swallowing, feeling of being held down.

• Sensory Memories: of certain odors (e.g. perfume, body odor, alcohol) or tastes (e.g. sweat, blood).

For some women affected by Female Genital Cutting (FGC), re-traumatizing triggers can be their initial (and ongoing) sexual experiences. Not only can the physical position (identical to that required for FGC) induce a flashback, but the already traumatized genital area can feel repeatedly violated with sexual activity, gynaecological exams or childbirth itself.

Flashbacks can be accompanied by the same physiological reactions experienced at the time of the trauma, such as dizziness, rapid heartbeat, or sweating. In response to these distressing memories people can develop breathing difficulties, experience disorientation, muscle tension, pounding heart, shaking.

 Hyperarousal

Trauma is stress run amuck. It dis-regulates our nervous systems and distorts our social awareness—displacing social engagement with defensive reactions. This state of mind is known as hyperarousal and often leads to:

• Irritability; angry outbursts

• sleeping problems; nightmares

• difficulty concentrating

In severe cases, many have trouble working or socializing and may engage in reckless behaviors (driving too fast; being argumentative or provocative). Others with PTSD may feel chronically anxious and find it difficult to relax or concentrate. Also, problematic for many is difficulty falling or staying asleep or suffering from nightmares; feeling always anxious and on edge (referred to as hypervigilant) –they may easily be startled.

Feeling afraid is a common symptom of PTSD and having intense fear that comes on suddenly could mean you are having a panic attack. It can happen when something reminds you of your trauma, and may trigger fearing for your life or losing control.

Although anxiety is often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as a racing heart or knots in your stomach, what differentiates a panic attack from other anxiety symptoms is the intensity and duration of the symptoms. Panic attacks typically reach their peak level of intensity in 10 minutes or less and then begin to subside.  

Negative emotional states

Some FGC-affected women may feel betrayed and develop problematic relationships with their mother, or female authority figures, and suffer from low self-esteem and concerns about body image. In addition, traumatized girls and women may develop persistent negative emotional states (e.g. fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame) and engage in distorted thinking such as “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted,” “The world is completely dangerous place.”

In Sahiyo’s online survey of Dawoodi Bohra women, conducted in 2015-16, 48% of the women who had undergone FGC reported that the experience of FGC (khatna) left an emotional impact on their adult life. This impact included feelings of being haunted/traumatized by the memory of being cut, feeling betrayed and violated by the family, feelings of distrust towards them, as well as anger and fear.  

Avoidance and emotional numbing

Trying to avoid being reminded of the traumatic event is another key symptom of PTSD.

Individuals may try to block out the anxiety or fear associated with the distressing emotional feelings, by avoiding places, people and situations reminding them of the original traumatic experience. For example, the possibility of seeing the “cutter” in a social gathering may be very distressing and re trigger re-traumatization. (See A Pinch of Skin documentary by Priya Goswami).  

Some people attempt to deal with their feelings by trying not to feel anything at all. This is known as emotional numbing. 

Many people with PTSD try to push memories of the event out of their mind, often distracting themselves with work or hobbies. Others may engage in self-destructive behaviors (drug or alcohol abuse; eating disorders) in order to distract or numb themselves to feelings that are too painful to tolerate. Those feeling detached and numb often have trouble showing or accepting affection and, becoming isolated and withdrawn, may lose interest in people or activities they used to enjoy.

Dissociation is a mental process that causes a lack of connection in a person’s thoughts, memory and sense of identity. It is a normal reaction to trauma and can help cut off the pain, horror and terror for a person experiencing mortal danger; an attempt to be “outside” the events (outside of oneself; besides oneself) happening rather than “inside” the fearful experience. Any of us—at any age— if confronted with a life-threatening event might dissociate and out-of-body experiences, experienced during war or life-threatening disasters and medical surgeries, are well documented. The advantages of dissociating under unbearable conditions are easy to understand, but dissociative reactions can occur whereby the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event were recurring and may confuse ordinary stress with life threatening circumstances.

PTSD can occur with or without dissociative symptoms. And, although it can occur at any age, including childhood, not every traumatized person gets full-blown PTSD, or experiences PTSD at all. PTSD is diagnosed only if the symptoms last more than a month. In those who do have PTSD, symptoms usually begin within 3 months of the trauma, and the course of the illness varies. Some people recover within 6 months, others have symptoms that last much longer. In some cases, the condition may be chronic. Sometimes, memories of the traumatic event and any accompanying PTSD symptoms don’t appear until years after the actual experience.

PTSD in children

PTSD can affect children as well as adults. It can also result from surgery performed on children too young to fully understand what’s happening to them.

Children with PTSD can have similar symptoms to adults, such as having trouble sleeping and upsetting nightmares.

Like adults, children with PTSD may also lose interest in activities they used to enjoy and may have physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach aches.

However, there are some symptoms that are more specific to children with PTSD, such as:

• bedwetting

• being unusually anxious about being separated from a parent or other adult

• re-enacting the traumatic event(s) through their play

For more information about how the brain and body process trauma, watch out for Trauma and Female Genital Cutting, Part 3 — Trauma: the Body and the Brain.

 About Joanna Vergoth: 

Joanna is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in trauma. Throughout the past 15 years she has become a committed activist in the cause of FGC, first as Coordinator of the Midwest Network on Female Genital Cutting, and most recently with the creation of forma, a charity organization dedicated to providing comprehensive, culturally-sensitive clinical services to women affected by FGC, and also offering psycho-educational outreach, advocacy and awareness training to hospitals, social service agencies, universities and the community at large. 

 On Feb 27th, Sahiyo’s Mariya Taher attended a roundtable discussion in DC on FGC and Mental Health hosted by the Wallace Global Fund and the International Center for Research on Women (ICRW) Although the global development community has increasingly acknowledged the adverse physical health complications that can result from FGC, there has been little action to address its psychological impact. The roundtable served as a first step to bring together experts from bilateral and multilateral agencies, donor institutions, academia, policy-makers, civil society and program implementing organizations in the United States to gain a better understanding of FGC and mental health, as well as to drive a collaborative, coordinated and appropriately sized response across the globe.

Throughout the day, the panelists and attendees discussed the short and long-term mental health of survivors and activists who engage additional barriers when advocating to end FGC. In addition, dialogue about research needs, support programs, and prevention in connection with mental health occurred. Mariya served on a panel to discuss the findings of Sahiyo’s Needs Assessment. Sahiyo had recently partnered with a healthcare market research consultancy to conduct primary market research with activists speaking out against FGC, in an effort to better understand activists’ challenges and hopes for the future.
To learn more about this research, visit Sahiyo’s website.

During February, Lesley University and Brandeis University in Massachusetts hosted events to elevate the conversation and build awareness on the topic of FGC as it occurs in the U.S. and the larger global world.

 On Feb 12th, Lesley University hosted Examining the Intersection Between Tradition and Gender Violence. The event showcased a screening of A Pinch of Skin, a documentary on FGC in India by Priya Goswami, followed by a panel discussion moderated by Mariya Taher with speakers attorney Joanne Golden, community health leader Abdirahman Yusuf, and OBGYN Dr.  Melody Eckardt. Panel speakers shared their perspectives on FGC, drawing on their personal experiences with survivors across their multiple cross-cultural and professional fields to bring attention to this often silenced issue. To read more about the event, click here. Additionally, on Feb 14th, The Heller School for Social Policy and Management at Brandeis University hosted a conversation with Mariya Taher on “How Storytelling can Change Social norms, and Help to End Female Genital Cutting.”

To learn more about the event, visit ‘A Pinch of Skin’ Documentary Screening and Discussion.

આ આર્ટિકલ પહેલા સહિયો દ્વારા તારીખ 11 મે 2017ના રોજ અંગ્રેજીમાં પ્રકાશિતકરવામાં આવ્યો હતો. Read the English version here.

લેખક: અનામી

ઉંમર : 33
જન્મનો દેશ : ભારત
વર્તમાન નિવાસસ્થાન : અમેરિકા

હું દાઉદિ બોહરા કુટુંબમાં જન્મેલો મરદ છું. યુનાઈટેડ સ્ટેટ્સમાં મારો અને મારા ભાઈનો ઉછેર એકદમ સામાન્ય રીતે થયો છે. અમે અમેરિકાના એક ખૂબ જ ધર્મનિરપેક્ષ મંડળના સભ્યો હતા. મારા માતા-પિતા હંમેશા મને કહેતા કે અમે કેવી રીતે અન્ય મુસ્લિમો કરતા અલગ હતા. અમારો સમાજ અમારા દીકરાઓ અને દીકરીઓના શિક્ષણ ને મહત્વ આપતા. આપણા સમાજમાં ઘણા બૈરાઓ વ્યાપાર કરે છે, ડૉક્ટરો છે  અને પોતે ઘરખર્ચ ઉપાડે છે. અમે વહાબી તો નથી જ.

મને સ્પષ્ટ રીતે યાદ છે કે મારા “મિસાક” લેવાના સમયે, હું મારા માતા-પિતા સાથે “20/20” ન્યૂઝ પ્રોગ્રામનો એક એપિસોડ જોતો હતો. તેનો એક ભાગ સોમાલિયાના ફીમેલ જેનિટલ મ્યુટિલેશન વિષે હતો. અમે તે પૂરો ભાગ જોયો અને રૂમમાં શાંતિ પ્રસરી ગઈ… જ્યારે તમે માતા-પિતા સાથે ફિલ્મ જોતા હો અને પ્રેમનું દ્રશ્ય આવે ત્યારે જેવી મૂંઝવણ અનુભવો તેવી મૂંઝવણ થવા લાગી. મારા માતા-પિતા શા માટે શરમ મેહસુસ કરતા હતા તે મને સમજાયું નહિં પરંતુ, થોડા દિવસો પછી બધા તે બાબતને ભૂલી ગયા.

દશ વર્ષ પછી, હુંએક દાઉદિ બોહરા બૈરી સાથે લાગણી સભર સંબંધ ધરાવતો હતો (જે અત્યારે મારી પત્ની છે). પહેલી વાર જ્યારે અમે સંભોગ કરતા હતા ત્યારે તેણી ખૂબ જ રડવા લાગી. તેણી સાથે શું કરવામાં આવ્યું હતુ તે વિષે મને વાત કરી. જ્યારે તેણીએ કૉલેજમાં આ બાબત વિષે સાંભળ્યું ત્યાં સુધી તેણીને પોતાને ખબર નહોતી કે તેની સાથે શું કરવામાં આવ્યું છે. જ્યારે તે પ્રક્રિયા તેણી પર કરવામાં આવી ત્યારે તેણીએ પગના અંગૂઠા સુધી પીડા આપતો વીજળીનો જટકો મહેસુસ કર્યો પરંતુ, હું એ પ્રથમ વ્યક્તિ હતો જેણે એ તરંગનીઅસરમેહસુસ કરી હતી. તેણી ડરી ગઈ હતી અને કંઈક ગુમાવ્યાની લાગણી અનુભવતી હતી.તેણીની ખૂબ ઈચ્છા હતી કે મારી સાથે સંભોગ માણી સંબંધોને ગાઢ બનાવે પરંતુ, તેવું ક્યારે થઈ શક્યું નહિં. એક સંપૂર્ણ બૈરી તરીકેની તેણીની ક્ષમતા સાથે એ સુખ, યુવાવસ્થામાં જ તેણીની મરજી વિના છીનવી લેવામાં આવ્યું હતુ. અમે સાથે મળી તેનો સામનો કર્યો. મેં તેણીનું કાઉન્સેલિંગ કરાવ્યું અને તેણીને ફરી ખાતરી આપી કે આપણો પ્રેમ વધુ મજબૂત થશે પરંતુ, તેણી અને હું બન્ને જાણતા હતા કે એ ક્ષણે તેણીએ જે ગુમાવ્યું છે તે ક્યારેય કોઈપણ વ્યક્તિ પાછું આપી શકશે નહિં.

અંતે, “20/20”ની એ ક્ષણ મને સમજમાં આવી. બે દિકરાઓ ધરાવતા મારા માતા-પિતાએ ક્યારેય તેમના બાળકોમાં શારીરિક બદલાવ કરવા જેવો પીડાદાયક નિર્ણય કરવો પડ્યો નહોતો પરંતુ, સ્પષ્ટ રીતે કહું તો જો અમે બન્ને ભાઈઓ માંથી કોઈ એક દિકરી હોત તો આ પ્રક્રિયાને અનુસરવા માટે જબરદસ્ત દબાણ કરવામાં આવ્યું હોત. સમાજ તેની ખોટી વાતો ફેલાવે છે કે એ “તમારા સુખી લગ્ન જીવન માટે છે”, “તમે સારી પત્ની બની શકો તે માટે છે.” પાછળથી મારા માતા-પિતા પાસેથી મને જાણવા મળ્યું કે મારા કુટુંબની બધી દિકરીઓ પર આ પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવી છે. હું આ વાત માની શક્યો નહિં. જ્યારે તમારા 50% બાળકો મધ્યયુગની પ્રથાનો ભોગ બની રહ્યાં છે તો શા માટે તમે આધુનિક્તાનો મુખોટો પહેરીને ફરો છો? જો તમારી સંપૂર્ણ આધ્યાત્મિક બનવાની પૂર્વ શરત તેમના માટે શારીરિક કમી હોય તો બૈરાઓની સ્વતંત્રા સાથે છેડછાડ કરવાનું બંધ કરો.

મારી સુંદર પત્નીએ મને ઘણુ બધું શીખવ્યું છે. તેણીએ મને માફ કરવાનું અને શક્તિ આપવાનું શીખવ્યું છે. જો હું મારી પત્નીની જગ્યાએ હોત તો ચોક્કસ મેં તેનો વિરોધ કર્યો હોત.સમય આવી ગયો છે કે બધા દાઉદિ બોહરા સાથે મળીને આ મુદ્દાનો ઉકેલ લાવે.આ પ્રક્રિયા આસ્થા પર એક કલંક છે.ઈસ્લામમાં તેનું કોઈ સ્થાન નથી, તે આપણા બૈરાઓને ભરપાઈ ના થઈ શકે તેવી હાનિ પહોંચાડે છે અને આ પ્રક્રિયા, આપણે આધુનિક અને નમ્ર મુસ્લિમો હોવાનો દાવો કરીએ છીએ તેનાથી વિપરીત છે. આ મુદ્દાને અંધકાર માંથી પ્રકાશમાં લઈ આવવાનો સમય આવી ગયો છે.

By Hina Javed

(This is the fourth part in a series of essays by Hina Javed on her experience of reporting on FGC in Pakistan. Read the whole series here: Pakistan Journal.)

My conversations with survivors had by now made it clear that the more answers I received, the more questions arose. Wrapping my head around Female Genital Cutting (FGC) was not going to be easy as I had, up till that point, been presented with two extreme views of FGC with little room for middleground.

I found myself diving deeper to uncover the truth behind a practice which spanned centuries; a curiosity fuelled my quest to get to the very origins of such an invasive practice.   

From the outside, the Bohra community seemed united, but I found the more I scratched at the community’s surface, the divisions and differences of opinion on FGC became evident. Publicly, the Bohra community will protect their own; quietly, they dissent amongst themselves.

Getting to the bottom of this practice had become more than an assignment for me. The following day I found myself sitting in the drawing room of an elderly lady who belonged to the Bohra community in Karachi. Here was 65-year-old Mrs Sumaira*, ready to answer all my questions without a hint of doubt or hesitation:

“Aunty, what is your opinion on female circumcision? Is it right or wrong?”

“Well, I cannot comment on the moral and legal implications of the practice. It is not for me to decide. All I know is that circumcision is sanctioned by our community leader. I am not entirely sure if it is right or wrong, but I believe the decision should be left with the child,” said Mrs Sumaira.

“What about you? Did you get your daughter circumcised? Did you inform her prior to her circumcision? How did you feel when she was finally cut?” I asked without bothering to check my train of thought or questioning.

“I was in my early thirties when the pressure to get my little one cut started building inside me. I knew it was supposed to happen sooner or later. I feared a backlash from the family elders if I delayed it any further. It was a rite of passage and my daughter had to go through it. My only, and probably biggest fault, was not telling the truth to an innocent child who thought she was going to a lady doctor for a routine check up. I told her they might perform a small operation if they found a ‘bug’ down there. I deeply regretted lying to her when I saw her bleeding and in pain,” she told me somberly.

“Why did you regret? Was it only the pain that made you feel guilty or was it something else?” I asked.

The answer she gave me came ridden with doubt. Sumaira believed she had little choice all those years ago.

“Maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do. Maybe I took something away from her; something that actually belonged to her the minute she opened her eyes. I could have given it a second thought, but I was overwhelmed with uncertainty and wanted to get it out of the way. I knew I would get a lot of raised brows if I avoided it altogether. In fact, I would have been ostracised from the community,” she added.

My line of questioning had ruffled some feathers, and I became more determined to seek answers. “Aunty, forgive me if I am being too intrusive, but didn’t you say you believed it was a necessary rite of passage?”

Sumaira explained that the decision she took for her daughter, without the latter’s consent, was in the girl’s best interest.

“I believe it depends on the type of society you live in and the level of exposure you get growing up. It’s true that circumcision lowers the libido and you have no right to take that away from an individual. However, it becomes necessary to control that drive if the girl is growing up in a conservative society like Pakistan. If she goes ‘astray’,  she would be called names and looked down upon. Besides, she would also have to suppress her desires which could ultimately lead to psychological issues like depression and anxiety,” she said.

“Does that mean it is more of a social requirement than a religious ritual in the Bohra community?” I asked, confused. Sumaira’s reply made it clear she was also confused.

“It could be, but I am not entirely sure about that. I believe it’s good if you get it done. However, there is an element of choice which people did not realise back in the day. People who are growing up in a free society and have liberal mindsets could either do away with it or let their child decide.”

Sumaira continued to speak but her response left a deafening silence from me. It became difficult to detach myself emotionally and focus on that interview. Therefore, I targeted my final question at just that; breaking the silence.

“Then why do you think breaking the silence will help? Why did you decide to speak about this issue in the first place? How will it change the narrative?” I asked apprehensively.

“It’s just the question of expressing yourself. If you disagree with the practice, you should be able to voice your opinion without being bashed by others. And if you want to go for it, then there’s no one stopping you. In either case, there’s no reason for it to be a hush-hush affair. There is more awareness, education and freedom of expression in this day and age. You’re free to make your own decision,” she concluded.

The hour-long question and answer session with Sumaira left me more confused than before. My search for the right answer was becoming fruitless with every interview, but, in the midst of it all, I realised that three categories of people existed in the Bohra community when it came to FGC: the decided, the undecided, and the opposed.

Sumaira is a pseudonym. The person’s original name has been changed to protect her identity.

આ આર્ટિકલ પહેલા સહિયો દ્વારા તારીખ 09 માર્ચ 2017ના રોજ અંગ્રેજીમાં પ્રકાશિત કરવામાં આવ્યો હતો. (Read the English version here.)

લેખક :શબનમ મુકબિલ
ઉંમર : 52
દેશ : ભારત

આવું મારી સાથે પણ બન્યુ હતુ…….

જ્યારે હું 6 વર્ષની હતી ત્યારે બે મહિનાનું ઉનાળાના લાંબા વેકેશનમાં હું મારી માં સાથે મુંબઈની સુલેમાનિ સમાજની એક સીટ, બદર બાગ આવી હતી, જ્યાં મારો જન્મ થયો હતો.

સમાજના પરિસરમાં અમારૂં એક સુંદર નાનું કૉટેજ હતું જ્યાં મારી માંએ તેણીનું બાળપણ ગુજાર્યું હતુ. આજે પણ મને તે ઘર વિષેની નાની-નાની દરેક બાબતો યાદ છે જેમ કે, ફર્નિચર અને રૂમમાં તેની ગોઠવણ, રૂમ કેવા હતા, બહારનો સ્વચ્છ નાનકડો બગીચો, નાના બચ્ચાઓ જે મારી સાથે રમવા આવતા હતા, જે સહિયો બની ગઈ અને આજે પણ છે.

વ્યક્તિની છ વર્ષની ઉંમરની યાદો ભૂંસી શકાય નહિં તેવી હોય શકે છે અને તેથી, આવી ખુશીની યાદો ના સાથે-સાથે એક દુખદ ઘટના પણ મને યાદ છે… 

મને યાદ છે કે હું દિવાલની સામે પહોળા પગ કરી બેઠી હતી અને એક વૃદ્ધ બૈરી ચાકુ લઈને આવતી હતી અને ત્યારબાદ એ અસહ્ય પીડા….. મને બરાબર યાદ નથી પરંતુ સંભવતઃ હું ખૂબ જ રડી હતી. મને એ પણ યાદ નથી કે હું કેવી રીતે ત્યાંથી બહાર આવી– સંભવતઃ લંગડાતા ચાલીને નીકળી, એમ કહેવું વધારે યોગ્ય રહેશે. પરંતુ, જ્યારે પણ મારે ટોઈલેટમાં જવું પડતું ત્યારે થતી પીડા, બળતરા અને લોહીવાળા અન્ડરવેઅર આજે પણ મને બરાબર યાદ છે. મને યાદ છે કે ખૂબ જ પીડા થતી હોવાના કારણે હું ટોઈલેટમાં જવાનું ટાળતી હતી. મને યાદ છે કે હું દોડી અને રમી શક્તી નહોતી, જે મને ખૂબ જ ગમતું હતુ.

અંતે, હું સાજી થઈ ગઈ. વર્ષો વિતી ગયા. હું આ આર્ટિકલ લખી રહી છું તે એ દર્શાવે છે કે હું આ સંકટ માંથી બહાર નીકળી ગઈ છું. શું તેના કારણે મને કોઈ સેક્સ સંબંધી સમસ્યાઓ આવી? મને નથી લાગતું. ખરું કહું તો, સંજોગ વસાત મેં જ્યારે તે વિષે વાંચ્યુ ત્યાં સુધી મને એવું લાગ્યુ પણ નહિં કે હું એફ.જી.સી.નો શિકાર બની છું અને તે જુની અણગમતી અને પીડાદાયક યાદો તાજી થઈ ગઈ અને ત્યારે મને ખરી વાસ્તવિક્તા સમજાઈ.

મને નથી લાગતુ કે મારા સંબંધમાં અથવા એક વ્યક્તિ તરીકે મારા પર તેની કોઈ વિપરીત અસર થઈ હોય પરંતુ, શા માટે 6 વર્ષની એક નાનકડી નિર્દોષ છોકરીને આવી ક્રુર પ્રક્રિયા હેઠળથી પસાર થવું જોઈએ? જેમ દાવો કરવામાં આવે છે તેમ, શું તેનાથી મને એક સારી મુસ્લિમ, શુદ્ધ અથવા પવિત્ર બનાવવાનો ઉદ્દેશ પ્રાપ્ત થયો છે? શું “સારા હોવા” અથવા “ખરાબ હોવા” વચ્ચે ફક્તએક નાનકડા માંસના ટુકડાનો જ તફાવત છે?

હું કદાચ આઘાત મેહસુસ નથી કરી રહી પંરતુ, તે પીડાને હું ક્યારેય નહિં ભૂલી શકું. જે કંઈ થયું તેના માટે હું મારી માંને દોષ નથી આપતી કારણ કે તેણી પર સંબંધીઓનું અને સમાજનું દબાણ હોવાનું હું સમજી શકુ છું. આજે તેણી મારી સાથે આ પ્રથાનો પૂરા દિલથી તિરસ્કાર કરે છે, એવી પ્રથા જેના શારીરિક કે આધ્યાત્મિક એવા આરોગ્ય સંબંધી કોઈ ફાયદાઓ નથી પરંતુ, ફક્ત દુઃખદ પીડા આપે છે.