(First published on May 24, 2016)

A heartfelt letter from a Bohra father, who wished to remain unnamed, to his grown-up daughter. Read the Gujarati translation of this letter here.

Dear Daughter,

Many years ago, I made a mistake. Your mother came to me and said “I’m going to have our daughter circumcised.” I knew nothing about this procedure, assuming that your mother knew best. My ignorance is no excuse for what you went through.

I’ve asked your mother many times since this occurred, why an educated woman who resides in a country where this is illegal subjected her daughter to this practice? I never received a valid reason. Simply saying that “it’s in our religion” is not a good enough answer for me to accept that my daughter went through this.

When I read your account of what happened, my eyes filled with tears. For all of these years I was oblivious to the trauma that you underwent. You were an innocent child. I wonder how many other fathers are in the same position as me – finally learning about this heinous practice and unaware of how their daughters have silently struggled with this for so many years.

I remember the first time I held you in my arms and thought to myself “she’s perfect”. You were my little miracle, after years of wanting a daughter, you finally arrived. I’m sorry that something was removed from you, because there was nothing wrong with you to begin with. I know that it is your upbringing and your strong values that prevent you from sinning and nothing else.

To think that you were only 5 years old, completely oblivious to what was happening to you and frightened, I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you.

Ignorance is never an excuse. Nor is it acceptable to turn a blind eye. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to support the noble cause of finally putting an end to this practice – and ensuring that other fathers become aware of what goes on behind closed doors. A crime against girls, committed by those who love them due to incorrect beliefs and reasons.

One day, when you become a mother, I will stand behind you, like I should have done years ago and ensure that this family’s next generation never has to suffer the way that you did.

All my love,

Dad

Female Genital Cutting is practiced in many different ways, some less severe than others. But is a woman’s experience of such a ritual any less significant if the cutting was “mild”?

Love Matters India and Sahiyo would love to discuss this question – and many others – with all of you in a Twitter Chat on Wednesday, December 7, 2016.

Timings: The Twitter Chat begins at

• 7.30 pm IST (India and Sri Lanka)
• 9 am EST (US east coast)
• 4 pm in Egypt
• 10 pm in Singapore and Malaysia

Here is how you can participate:

• Log into your Twitter account (or make one, if you are not on Twitter yet!)
• Follow the handles @lovemattersinfo and @sahiyovoices
• Respond to our questions and tweets about Type I FGC
• Remember to use the hashtag #NoMoreKhatna in all your tweets!

Why this discussion is important: According to United Nations statistics, at least 200 million girls from 30 countries around the world have been subjected to Female Genital Cutting / Mutilation (FGC/M), a practice that involves cutting away varying degrees of the female genitalia.

The World Health Organisation classifies FGC into four types, depending on how severe the cut is. For decades, activists, researchers, funders, and the media have focused mainly on Types II and III, the most severe forms of genital cutting. 

Type I, however, has often been overlooked. This form involves cutting the clitoral hood, and/or part or all of the clitoris, and it is prevalent in a number of Asian communities, including the Dawoodi Bohras and Malay Muslims. All too often, concerns about this “mild” form of genital cutting are dismissed as overreactions. “It is just a small nick, a small slice of skin,” we are told. “It is not the same as the mutilation done in Africa,” they say. 

We believe it is time to re-examine these notions about Type I FGC, to give voice to those who have been affected, and to recognise that even the least severe genital cuts are still a form of gender violence.

And as a prequel to the Twitter Chat, do watch this video by Love Matters India and director Priya Goswami, featuring Bohra voices of resistance to Type I FGC:

વહાલી  દીકરી, હું દિલગીર છું તારી ખતના થઇ

– એક બોહરા પિતા ની દિલ ની વ્યથા

વહાલી દીકરી,

ઘણા વર્ષો પહેલા મેં એક ભૂલ કરી. તારી મમ્મીએ આવીને મને કહ્યુ કે હું અપની દીકરી ની ખતના કરાવ છું. મને આ પ્રક્રિયા વિષે કાંઈજ ખબર ન હતી. મેં એમ માની લીધું કે તારી મમ્મીનેજ આ બાબતે વધારે સમજ છે. તારા ઉપર જે ગુઝર્યું એમાં મારું અજ્ઞાન કોઈ બહાનું નાજ હોવું જોઈએ. આ ઘટના પછી મેં ઘણી વાર તારી મમ્મી ને પૂછ્યું કે એક ભણેલી સ્ત્રી, જે એવા દેશમાં રહે છે જ્યાં આ પ્રક્રિયા ગેરકાયદેસર ગણાય છે, તે પોતાની દીકરી ને એના આધીન કેમ કરી શકે? મને ક્યારેય સંતોષ જનક જવાબ મળ્યો નહી. ફક્ત એમજ કહેવામાં આવ્યું કે ‘તે આપનો ધર્મ છે’. આ જવાબ હું ક્યારેય સ્વીકાર નથી કરી શકતો. 

જ્યારે તારી સાથે શું થયું એ વિસ્તૃત રીતે વાંચ્યું તો મારી આંખો ભરાઈ આવી. આટલા વર્ષો થી હું અંજાન હતો કે તારી ઉપર શું તકલીફ ગુઝરી છે. તું તો માસૂમ હતી. જાને કેટલા પિતાઓ મારા જેવીજ સ્થિતિ માં હશે, છેવટે આ અમાનુષી કૃત્ય ને જાની ને અંજાન કે પોતાની પુત્રીએ એટલા વર્ષો થી શું વેદના મન માં દબાવી રાખી છે.

મને યાદ છે જ્યારે પહેલી વાર તને મેં હાથ માં લીધી હતી ત્યારે મનોમન હર્કાયો હતો કે તું પરિપૂર્ણ છે. મને વર્ષો થી દીકરી જોઈતી હતી. તારી અંદર કાંઈજ કમી ન હતી, છતાય તારી વાઠકાપ કરવામાં આવી. હું દિલગીર છું. હું જાણું છું કે તને આપયેલા સંસ્કારોજ તને પાપ કરવા થી રોકે છે, બીજું કાંઈજ નહી.

વિચારું છું કે તું ફક્ત પાંચ વર્ષ નીજ હતી. તારા સાથે શું થઇ રહ્યું છે તેનાથી તદ્દન અંજાન અને ઘબ્રાએલી. હું દિલગીર છું કે તારી રક્ષા કરી ન શક્યો. અજ્ઞાન એ કોઈ બહાનું નથી ના કે અંજાન થવું સામાન્ય.

હું વચન આપું છું કે આ અમાનુષી પ્રક્રિયા નો અંત લાવવા મારાથી બનતું બધૂજ કરીશ. હું કોશિશ કરીશ કે બંધ બારણા ની પાછળ શું થાય છે તે બીજા બધા પિતાઓને ખબર પડે. છોકરીયો પ્રત્યે નો આ ગુનોહ છે જે ખોટી માન્યતાઓ થી પ્રેરાયને એના પોતાનાજ માણસો એની ઉપર ગુજારે છે.

એક દિવસ જ્યારે તું માં બનશે, હું તારી પાછળ ઉભો રહીશ. મારે આ વસ્તુની કાળજી વર્ષો પહેલાજ લેવાની જરૂર હતી કે જેથી હવે આવનારી પેઢી ને આ તકલીફ વેઠવી નજ પડે જે તુએ ઉઠાવી છે.

This is a translation of the original English post that was published on May 24, 2016. Read the original post here.

by Insia Jaliwala 

Age: 18

Country: India

The experience of khatna, not only the actual act but the implications of the practice, was a gradual revelation for me. In the vague haze of childhood memories, that particular day stands out. I must have been around 6 or 7 years old. My parents told me I could miss school that day and were taking me out, I was obviously very ecstatic.

I was taken to a ‘lady doctor’; a gynecologist who applied a red serum on my hand with a cotton bud and asked if it burned. It did. She then proceeded to do the same to my genitalia. I remember the moment when she told me to remove my pants and lie down on the bed. “It’ll be over in a minute,” she said while holding a scalpel in her hand.

There wasn’t much bleeding and I don’t even remember the pain. What I do remember is an inhibiting confusion and fear. That day isn’t registered in my memory as a traumatic event, but a day I associate with a sense of loss. That day an important part of my womanhood was snatched away from me. That day my body was mutilated without my consent. 

The reality of the twisted practice struck me only a few years ago when I got into a conversation with my elder sister who told me about her experience, which was much worse and painful. After, I started to explore the subject more. I read about female circumcision and came across horrifying stories from Africa. I stumbled into many stories of khatna told by the women around me.

I had started to understand the terrifying implications of the practice which differed from person to person and the physical and mental trauma some of my own sisters and close friends had to go through, and are still going through. I also came across many justifications for the practice, some from my family elders which went along the lines of, “This is done to curb a girl’s sexual desire so that she can put her mind to other things”, among many others.

All of this left me with an overwhelming sense of betrayal. My family, my community, had failed me. As I dwelled into it more, I realized that this act of oppression had (as with any other social issue or phenomenon) multiple dimensions and was woven in a convoluted fabric of culture, custom, and tradition.

Earlier this year, as a film project for college, I decided to make a documentary on Khatna. During my research for the film, I came across Sahiyo and was amazed by the fact that so many women were willing to share their stories on this platform.

My initial thought when I decided to make the film was that no woman would want to talk about this on camera. To my surprise and glee, many women around me agreed to be a part of it. There are hundreds of women (and men) out there who want this barbaric practice to stop. There needs to be a discussion about this on a communal level and people of the community need to realise that they have an alternative, they can choose not to impose this upon their young ones.

by Anonymous

Age: 28

Country: United States

Hello All,

Firstly, I would like to start by telling you how ashamed I feel of being so ignorant about the issue of female khatna and how honored I am to be a part of a family whose women are spearheading the fight against FGM.

I am from an Islamic Dawoodi Bohra family that comprises mainly of women. I have six beautiful sisters. They have all undergone khafd (khatna). Back then, there was no awareness and there was tons of social pressure. Everything was done quietly and no one spoke about it. At least in my community, it was a given that a girl child had to have her khatna done. Not doing it would be condemned.

Women who have gone through FGM have started talking about their experiences. Openly speaking about this issue has done great good for the community as it has helped build awareness and made folks like me, who were ignorant about it, read and learn more about it. I salute the women who have been bold to talk about this. Thank you! 

Listening to these experiences makes me really sad. Sad because this has been going on for so long and this practice has absolutely no foundation. It makes me sad that educated people never questioned it and were so socially engrossed that they just did what they were told to do. It makes me sad because it just proves how sexist the world is (which I do not want to believe).

It saddens me because parents are still putting their daughter through this.

For my religious friends: the Quran does not even mention khatna. So please do not put a religious aspect to this practice. This practice only has side effects. For those who are not aware – please please read here.

More importantly – it is her body, please respect it.

This issue is important and it must be dealt with. It needs support from each and every member of the community including the men.