By Anonymous

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Though for much of my life, “victim” felt like the most honest word. Those experiences have shaped my relationships, both to others and with myself, so that forging an identity outside of that trauma is an impossibility. What happened to me exists in public court records and it is known within and outside of my community; it is the thing we don’t talk about at family dinners. So, when I thought of myself, what it meant to be me, “victim” was always near the top of that list.

Despite years of therapy, some things are still very hard for me. Some days I am driven by a nameless panic, shaking hands and speeding thoughts and all. Others are much worse than that. A patient, well-deep sadness that I don’t think I will ever be entirely free of. My body often feels like a thing separate from me, such dissociation is not uncommon. The complexity of mental health is never lost on survivors; some days are bad, others are calm and joyful. That’s the journey, and this is a thing I carry. It’s heavy, but I do.

When I found Sahiyo, I knew immediately that this was an organization I wanted to be a part of. I knew it would be healing but as any survivor knows, healing can be painful, too. I knew it would challenge me, force me to examine deeply uncomfortable truths. This was an opportunity to observe where my hesitations were coming from. I wanted to become comfortable talking about women’s bodies, about trauma, about health and wellness—all of the things we so gladly tuck away.

So in those early days, that’s all I did. I read Maasi blogs, which handled trauma with grace, patience, and accessible resources. I (safely and mindfully) pushed myself to really look at the language and how it was being used. I focused on my body's responses as I read words I would normally avoid: cutting, labia, orgasm, vagina, genitals, clitoris, consent. I read the stories of survivors, and I held space for their pain, grief, anguish, and their bravery. Over time I realized that so much of their narratives mirrored my own experience.

Like them, I knew as a child that something had happened to me. I knew that I was one person before those experiences, and another afterward. Even as a child, I knew that my body now carried the weight of trauma. But like some survivors of female genital cutting, I would reach for the memories and come up with nothing but flashes of pain. Mostly empty air. Whether my mind was protecting itself, or those memories never formed due to particular details of the events, I don’t really know. My body remembers even when my mind can’t. 

When I was in my early twenties and in a good mental space, I started asking about it. Family, community members who might have insight into the social atmosphere at the time, reporters, the judge who presided over the case. I looked over the court records for the first time. I learned about what had happened to me, what had really happened to me, through the stories of others. There are no words for what an odd, alien experience that was: to ask other people the details about one of the most intimate, traumatic, and developmentally defining experiences of my life. In all of my years of therapy and trauma research, I had never encountered other survivors who had to look outside of themselves, and to their community, to find the answers. Not until Sahiyo.

As I read their stories I found words for my own experience. I was able to so strongly identify with their grief and anguish that it felt like a physical tug in my chest. For every hour I spent wondering who I could’ve been without the weight of this sadness, someone else was working through that same struggle. And they were so brave and courageous, talking about their trauma with community members and advocating for childhood consent, working to eradicate FGC. You can't fully appreciate the strength it takes to speak openly about intimate trauma unless you’ve experienced it. These women are building a better world–both despite and because of what happened to them.

Our individual experiences are not the same. The weight of that generational trauma is not something I’m able to fully grasp, but I do know that I found courage and strength in their bravery. I know that I’ve reached a deeper place of acceptance with my own trauma. I choose patience, healing, and compassion just as I choose “survivor.” And that choosing is an act of defiance, of empowerment, of strength. It is both because of–and despite–what happened to me. The language of our internal world matters. 

It’s always going to be hard. I wish that the world was a better place than it currently is. But if you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse looking for a safe community of people who understand intimate body trauma, there is space for you here. Volunteering for Sahiyo means being a part of a global movement making the world safer and more accessible for women and girls from every background. It’s a worthy cause.

À propos du webinaire 

Même si les mutilations génitales féminines (MGF) sont condamnées par de nombreux traités et conventions à l'échelle internationnale, elles continuent d’être pratiquées conformément aux normes sociales. Les normes sociales ont une influence puissante sur les communautés et orientent les comportements, y compris les rôles, les attitudes et les valeurs de genre, qui contribuent au MGF.

Le 1 juillet, notre webinaire explorera le MGF en tant que norme sociale. La discussion portera sur la tension communautaire entre les normes sociales et l’activisme du MGF. 

Ce webinaire réunira un large éventail de voix et donnera aux participants l’occasion de participer à la discussion sur la façon dont nous pouvons tous être mieux éduqués et de meilleurs défenseurs dans le cheminement pour mettre fin au MGF. Les normes sociales sont complexes, mais à mesure qu’elles évoluent, elles peuvent aussi mettre fin au MGF. 

Notre panel

Cet événement sera modéré par la cofondatrice de Sahiyo, Aarefa Johari. Habitante de Mumbai, Aarefa est une activiste contre le MGF. Elle est également une journaliste talentueuse et lauréate du prix Chameli Devi Jain.

Concernant nos principales intervenantes invitées, nous sommes ravis d’accueillir Maryan Abdikadir et Molly Melching. Maryan Abdikadir est une survivante et militante contre le MGF. Titulaire de deux maîtrises, Maryan est chercheuse et auteure. Elle a entrepris des programmes d’abandon des MGF et a participé à la rédaction du projet de loi sur l’interdiction des MGF au Kenya. Molly Melching est fondatrice et directrice de la création de l’ONG Tostan. Elle a reçu une reconnaissance internationale pour son travail novateur dans les domaines du changement des normes sociales et de l’éducation aux droits humains. Elle a reçu de nombreux prix, dont le Prix d’alphabétisation du Roi Sejong de l’UNESCO, le Prix Thomas J. Dodd pour la justice et les droits de l’homme, entre autres.

Inscrivez-vous au webinaire Comprendre les normes sociales pour mettre fin aux mutilations génitales féminines ici.

About the Webinar 

Even though Female Genital Cutting (FGC) is condemned by many international treaties and conventions, it continues to be performed in accordance with social norms. Social norms have a powerful influence over communities and guide behaviour, including gender roles, attitudes, and values, which contribute to FGC.

On July 1st, our webinar will explore how FGC is a social norm. The discussion will investigate tension between community social norms and the advocacy that occurs around ending FGC. 

This webinar will bring together a diverse array of voices and give participants the opportunity to be part of the discussion on how we can all become better educated, and better advocates, in the journey to end FGC. Social norms are complex, but as they evolve, so too can they bring about an end to female genital cutting.

Our Panel

This event will be moderated by Sahiyo co-founder, Aarefa Johari. Based in Mumbai, Aarefa is a Sahiyo co-founder and activist against FGC. She is also a talented journalist and winner of the Chameli Devi Jain Award.

For our distinguished guest speakers, we are delighted to have Maryan Abdikadir and Molly Melching. Maryan Abdikadir is a survivor and activist against FGC. Holding two Master's degrees, Maryan is a researcher and author. She has undertaken FGM abandonment programs and participated in the drafting of the Prohibition of FGM Bill in Kenya. Molly Melching is Founder and Creative Director of Tostan. She has received international recognition for her groundbreaking work in the areas of social norm change and human rights education. She has received numerous awards including: UNESCO’s King Sejong Literacy Prize, The Thomas J. Dodd Award for Justice and Human Rights, among others.

Register for the Understanding Social Norms to End Female Genital Cutting webinar here.

Avery is currently pursuing an undergraduate degree from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in statistics and economics. She is passionate about women’s and animals’ rights, international education, and environmental sustainability, and hopes to utilize her research skills to analyze data and diction to create change and conversations in these areas. She is eager to further her understanding of the practice of female genital cutting (FGC) and excited to utilize her experience in fundraising to help advance Sahiyo’s mission of ending FGC.

What was your experience of learning about female genital cutting (FGC) for the first time?

In school I know I must have heard about FGC briefly, but I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until last year, when I studied abroad for a semester in Egypt, that I fully understood what FGC was. While abroad, I became close friends with a girl just a few years younger than me who was also going to the same university. During one of our many friendly, deep conversations, she shared her experience of undergoing FGC with me. This was shocking, as I hadn’t even thought about a classmate or friend having to endure this human rights violation, since I erroneously thought it was no longer practiced. After looking up more information about FGC, I realized it was much more prevalent than I thought. This led me to look up more resources about FGC and to see if there were ways I could get involved with helping to spread awareness, eventually bringing me to Sahiyo.

When and how did you first get involved with Sahiyo?

I started getting involved with Sahiyo in February of this year. I learned about Sahiyo from the website and saw examples of the great work that the Sahiyo team and our network has been doing in the movement to end FGC. Throughout college and high school, I had been eager to volunteer whenever I got the chance. In the past, I had volunteered at college and local non-profit organizations that were focused on a myriad of issues such as health, the environment, community, and homelessness, and with my skills and background, I thought I could be helpful to the team at Sahiyo. After learning about the powerful work Sahiyo does, I was excited to get started!

What does your work with Sahiyo involve?

I am a Development Intern at Sahiyo, so my position is to provide assistance to the Development Team and Coordinator regarding Sahiyo’s organizational development and fundraising initiatives. This includes working on grant applications to ensure Sahiyo has funding to carry out our important programs, creating monthly donation appeals (you’ve probably seen a few emails from me already!), and searching for potential funding opportunities. It has been very rewarding to learn more about Sahiyo’s programs, the individual people and activists within Sahiyo’s community and their powerful stories, and the generous funders/foundations who have been supporting Sahiyo.

How has your involvement with Sahiyo impacted your life?

My involvement with Sahiyo has widened my perspective on gender-based violence and FGC, and working alongside these amazing people within Sahiyo’s network has inspired me. I am in awe of the resilient survivors and empowering female activists who have worked tirelessly to end this injustice through the innovative ways of storytelling and dialogue. I am thankful for the opportunity to become more educated in gender-based violence and FGC. I am excited to have learned how to be an effective ally, and I know my time helping Sahiyo is just the start of my volunteerism in this field.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with others who may be interested in supporting Sahiyo and the movement against FGC?

I would like to share with others that anyone and everyone has the ability to help us in the movement to end FGC. I am not from an FGC-practicing community, nor am I a survivor, but there are many ways to support Sahiyo and create a critical mass of people and voices calling for the elimination of FGC. After reading posts from the #EachOneReachBhaiyo campaign, I realized it really can take a conversation to raise awareness about FGC, and if we can all do this collectively, our actions can put an end to FGC. Sahiyo has several informative resources on the website for anyone who is interested in supporting our organization and the movement against FGC, and I would highly encourage everyone to check them out!

By Zehra Patwa

From June 3rd to June 5th, we hosted our 5th Annual Sahiyo Bohra Anti-FGC Activist Retreat, which occurred virtually. Once again, we had new faces and alumni join us for the retreat with a diverse mix of experiences, personalities and genders, which made for some very interesting conversations. This was our first retreat with participants from across both North America and Europe, and it reiterated for me that, regardless of your level of attachment to the Bohra community, it is possible to cultivate a community where we could speak openly and honestly about our shared culture.

Among a host of activities, participants enjoyed a group session with Farzana Doctor on self-care strategies for activists; something we all need, to ensure we don’t burn out. This was followed by an interactive storytelling session, with smaller break out groups, by StoryCenter’s Amy Hill (our partner in Voices to End FGM/C), which prompted much conversation and sharing of experiences. After each day’s session, we built in an optional social hour, and many attendees chose to stay to continue the conversation in this informal setting.

Participants left the 3-day retreat with an action plan of personal, group and self-care goals, all supported by Sahiyo’s team.

My deepest thanks to the awesome Retreat Planning Committee (you know who you are!) for your commitment and persistence in making this the best retreat so far!

Read reflections on the 2022 Activists Retreat by Zehra, Umme, and Amena.

By Ellen Ince

On May 12th, I attended the webinar, Centring Community in FGM/C Behaviour Change Theory. This webinar was presented by Dr. Bettina Shell-Duncan, a Professor of Anthropology at University of Washington, conducts mixed method bio-cultural research on maternal and child health in sub-Saharan Africa; much of her research focuses on the study of female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C). Through her work with WHO and UNICEF, she has examined the politics of international campaigns to end FGM/C, and the implications of adopting a health and human rights framework.

The webinar included stories on how theoretical models of behaviour change have been applied to FGM/C programs over time, and how this impacts the strategies to shift community beliefs about FGM/C. 

FGM/C activists aim to change beliefs about FGM/C and behaviour: we must not only work towards diminishing support for the practice, but also the act itself. Dr. Shell-Duncan explained the importance of this distinction, as mothers often do not make decisions about FGM/C alone. If other families’ choices do matter, this adds an additional layer of challenge in persuading decision makers. This raises the question of what authority do individuals have in the decision making process?

Behavioural change models were developed to take this question into account, and led to the development of social norms models. To summarise: a family's action or decision to cut depends on the actions of other families and what is considered a norm. Community members do not want to deviate from what is deemed acceptable behaviour. An important element of this model points to how individuals do not make decisions in isolation. People have strong beliefs about what is proper parenting and are aware of what others expect. The emphasis placed on social integration and acceptance can make it more difficult to abandon the practice. People worry that if they do not conform they will be ostracised, lose social support, and diminish marriage prospects. Therefore, if change in belief happens collectively, this will lead to co-ordinated action to end FGM/C. 

How can we coordinate this change? 

To coordinate change, Dr. Shell-Duncan suggests moving beyond the assumption that everyone is on the same page. She placed emphasis on the successful impact of community discussions that explore norms and highlight changing norms and meanings. She also pointed to dispelling pluralistic ignorance – faulty assumptions about what others want and do. For example, one might assume men prefer if women undergo FGM/C while discussions with them may reveal faulty assumptions. This can spark dialogue and encourage people to pledge to create change.

Change Agents and Social Networks

Change agents are individuals who promote and create change. It is within a social network that change agents can act to influence others, as social networks connect individuals and are the heart of community dialogue. Dr. Shell-Duncan spoke about the power of persuasion, and how social norms can change quite quickly in this way. While it is true that some individuals may be more persuasive than others, such as political and religious leaders, healthcare providers and respected elders in the community, the spread of information occurs across all levels and in multiple settings. 

It was clear from this webinar that social norms affect our lives in many ways, influencing our behaviour, language, and social beliefs. When I think about social norms in my everyday life, I recognise them in both a positive and negative light. Some social norms are necessary for society to function and allow us to understand each other’s motives and actions. These include norms surrounding phone etiquette, public behaviour, and meeting someone for the first time. When we think of norms in this way, it is clear that they contribute to social order and shape the culture to which we belong. It is not unreasonable to then say that breaking social norms can make you an outcast, leading to the social ostracism Dr. Shell-Duncan talked about in the context of FGM/C. The webinar made me realise that social norms, while complex, can change. This gives us hope in the journey to end FGM/C. 

On Friday, July 1st at 4pm GMT, Sahiyo will host a webinar on this topic: Understanding Social Norms to End Female Genital Cutting. The webinar will investigate the tension between social norms and FGC activism by bringing together a diverse array of voices. Participants will have the opportunity to be a part of the discussion on how we can all become better educated, and better advocates, in the journey to end FGC. Keep an eye on our social media for more information and updates!

Register for the Understanding Social Norms to End Female Genital Cutting webinar here.

Sahiyo U.S. is grateful to be welcomed as one of the newest member organizations of South Asian SOAR, a U.S.-based coalition working to end gender-based violence (GBV) in the South Asian diaspora. SOAR is a national collective of survivors, 30+ organizations, and allies who are passionate about changing the high prevalence of GBV among South Asians (over half of South Asians experience some form of GBV). SOAR works to strengthen the field that serves survivors, shift the narrative through data and community-based research, and support the healing and leadership of survivors through storytelling. By bridging urgent, direct-service work with national-level action and advocacy, SOAR is co-creating a future of joy, healing, and justice.

Learn more about South Asian SOAR’s work.